LED BY THE “GOD OF SURPRISES” ON
THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED. -20TH
JUNE 2013.
Reflections
of a Jesuit after 50 years in the Society of Jesus.
If asked, “When did you
dream or decide to become a Jesuit?” my honest answer would be “I didn’t, but
some higher power had this dream for me and I am not sure I had much of a say
in the matter. Somewhat like an eagle that flows and glides with the currents
of the air, allowing it to guide its flight into the unknown.” And after 50
years, one is convinced of it. A simple “yes” to situations that God or His
people ask you to respond to, to the best of your ability. Jesus once said,
“You did not choose me but I have chosen you”, but he could also have added,
“sometimes because of who you are and mostly despite of what you are.” And that
humbling mystery carries on day after day in a Jesuit’s life. This is no pious
platitude. This is based on a personal experience, as evidences in my life
about this “God of surprises” who works in our lives.
I remember when I was
15, I had a deep aversion and dislike for priests. I was even once beaten in
school for not wanting to be a priest as I found most of them humourless, fat
and grumpy. Then I saw a strange Spanish priest, Fr. Perez SJ, as I practiced
running on the beaches of 7 bungalows near Versova in Mumbai. I avoided him
like the plague. He came cycling from Marine lines just for a swim (38 kms.)
and then went back. But he always smiling and laughing as he said hello. When I
realized he was not interested whether I went for mass or not, said the rosary
or not, I decided to speak with him and found he was a Spanish Jesuit doing his
studies in Sanskrit and Pali but working in Gujarat. When he found out I played
football he asked me if I would be interested in a small football camp in
Ahmedabad in summer 1961, I said yes and that was my first taste of Gujarat and
the Jesuits. Later, I asked him whether education was the only thing they did,
he mentioned the mission stations. I went to a place called Amod and a certain
holy Jesuit priest, Fr. Cabanach took me by motorcycle to a village for mass
and then “something happened”. A child of 3-4 years was eating some grams and
when I looked at her she got up and gave me some of her few grams. When I saw
that child’s eyes, I just knew I wanted to live and die as a Jesuit in such a
village. I never told anybody about this haunting and disturbing experience for
over a year but quietly researched who these Jesuits were and what they did.
Later I told my parents
who encouraged me but they were honestly skeptical since it was my brother who
was temperamentally priestly material. The Provincial (Bishop Charles Gomes SJ)
told me “no college, just go to the novitiate in Bangalore” as I think he felt
that I would drift away. We were 17 who entered the Novitiate in 1963 and only
6 made it to the priesthood. The strange thing is that those 11 who went left
for some valid reason or the other were spiritually very sound and
intellectually far superior. Maybe that’s why they did not fit in. They are
still serving the Church as exemplary laymen or society at large and one of
them is a top class scientist in NASA still leading a simple life as an austere
monk and a celibate. For some strange reason, God still chooses illiterate
fisherfolk compared to the learned, which may not sound very complimentary but
it does endorse the adage, that “with God all things are possible”.
Perhaps my present
assignment as Assistant PP in this Parish is a fairly good reflection of my
Jesuit journey. It’s gratifying to know that I can try my best to bring meaning
into people’s lives despite my physical handicaps and other shortcomings. Henri
Nouwen aptly put it, A priest is “a wounded healer” called to heal and at the
same time wounded and vulnerable himself. A privilege perhaps, to serve God,
but definitely a meaningful and serious responsibility.
-
Fr. Jerry Fernandez SJ.
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